The Juxtaposition of Motherhood

A-frame fold, knees bent –  not entirely on the floor so that I’m squatting in the most perfect way that makes running while my feet are grounded, butt in air, and hands are on ground with a Clorox wipe vigorously scrubbing the floor. This would be the second time over that I’ve done this maneuver in an effort to clear the trail of human feces that came from one of my children, which began in our dining room, under the table, on the furthest side away from the nearest bathroom.

This was the scene just this evening, the eve of “Mother’s Day.”

I often laugh to myself at the most random times thinking about the baby showers you go to and the fun little games or notes that ask for ‘advice’ on being a mother. There are so many trite phrases, catch phrases, common phrases, hokey phrases, and even cliché that are offered in times like this. They all are perfect. They are all meaningful. They are all misunderstood until you experience motherhood.

I didn’t even gag as I scooped the poop along the trail, cleaned the brown runny mess down my son’s leg, quickly changed his dirty clothes out for clean undies, and pristinely scrubbed his shorts, him, and myself among the unpleasant stench that filled the narrow bathroom in which this scene unfolded.

That is motherhood.

Don’t get me wrong, I have definitely gagged during some mommy moments, but more frequently than not, the mommy-super-gene kicks in and takes over to make the unimaginable conquerable.

From burping up the milk my sweet infant just drank all over me to projectile vomiting it in a manner that only seems like something made for the movies, it’s all manageable as a mother.

The sleepless nights.

The constant change in schedules.

The energy to keep up.

The change in food preference.

The monitoring of sugar intake.

The teaching manners.

The reading of the same book for 13 days in a row.

The stress of boo-boos.

The redirecting when, well always ….

The temper tantrums.

The judgement of others just by the look in their eyes when you handle said temper tantrums.

The battle over getting dressed and out the door on time.

The worry over whether you introduced too mature of cartoons too soon.

The guilt of being away while at work.

The shame of wishing you were away when you are with them.

The exhaustion of a busy day.

 

This list is not all that motherhood is. This list is only one side of a coin. Motherhood is a juxtaposition. For all the things that seem just awful, horrible, and unimaginable, there is an opposite list that goes on infinitely.

 

The sweet night time cuddles.

The warmth of morning snuggles.

The evolution of one’s self to becoming more adaptable and flexible.

The precious time spent well.

The experience of new tastes on a child’s face – the first try at peas, a lemon, sour candy, ice-cream, or cake.

The consciousness of learning how important health is when you have someone to live for.

The memorization of books leading to a love a language to express their emotions, desires, and opinions.

The kissing, cuddles, and gentleness in caring for bruises, cuts, and scratches.

The lessons in distraction and creativity making you feel like a mastermind of human psychology.

The patience you can experience when you free yourself of control.

The grace and empathy you can provide to others because of your experience.

The joy of seeing your child gain independence in the selection of their clothes that will one day lead to greater choices.

The funny moments when your kid quotes a movie line at an appropriate moment but at the wrong time.

The ability to provide a secure and stable life.

The pleasure you feel when you get to experience all the little moments that add up to the big ones.

The satisfaction in being present, vulnerable, and simply there for your children.

That is motherhood.

I would not trade being a mom for anything. With each day that I experience motherhood, I appreciate my mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, and mother-in-law more. My journey is just beginning as my boys are five and four. I know that the juxtaposition of motherhood will continue. I also know that the horrible moments don’t compare to that of the wonderful ones.

And thus, is my sage advice for an expecting mother, embrace the mess of it and savor the sweet blessings it brings. There are no words that can prepare or reveal all that motherhood is and has to offer.095

Mantra Motivation

I love mantras. Specifically, I like Dictionary.com’s second definition:  an often-repeated word, formula, or phrase, often a truism.

 

Mantras are memorable. Little catch phrases that spread like wildfire. Small enough to easily store away in memory but big enough to encapsulate an entire story, meaning, or purpose.

 

If it weren’t for mantras, I truly don’t know that the past five years for me would have played out the way in which they have. You see, five years ago I had my first son. It was the mantra made popular by Nike, “Just do it,” that got me through many firsts as a new parent. Nike isn’t the author of, “Just do it,” but they sure did market it!

 

Another favorite that encourages me with getting started on projects, tasks, and chores is “Done is better than perfect.” This one resonated most with me after reading Sheryl Sandberg’s book, Lean In. As someone who some may describe as Type A or a Perfectionist, “Done is better than perfect,” encourages me to “fail fast” (another favorite). When embarking on a new project, task, or chore that seems a bit overwhelming, I remind myself “done is better than perfect,” and before you know it by simply starting and having something to work with or from I typically finish through to a ‘nearly’ perfect state. To which if it isn’t to a ‘nearly’ perfect state, I remind myself, “something is better than nothing.”

 

Chip and Dan Heath helped me understand why I love mantras so much in their book, Made to Stick. They explain how in the military the Commander’s Intent succinctly describes what constitutes success for the operation. It includes the operation’s purpose by linking the mission, concept, and tasks for all subordinate units. As long as the various individuals understand the Commander’s Intent then a mission can successfully be carried out. If an individual was in a questionable situation and must ask, instead of referring to the chain of command for orders, the person simply asks themselves, “If I do X, will it fulfill the Commander’s Intent?” Mantras are not meant to ‘dumb down’ or ‘play down’ the significance in our decisions but rather simplify the complexity and bring clarity.

 

Mantras have always kept me going with challenges I set for myself. “No excuses” and “We all have the same 24 hours,” both kept me motivated in times of physical goals I had set for myself. “No excuses” got me through a 5 am boot camp for a month in 2012. “We all have the same 24 hours,” reminded me of how others I admire or dream to be like must make time for the daily tasks to attain the end result. In 2016 I decided I could not longer use the birth of my children as excuses for my poor health. I used this constant reminder that a day is the same amount of time for everyone to carve out time in my schedule to workout.

 

When the weight of working brings on feelings of guilt for not staying home with my children as babies I remind myself, “This is your life – you only get one.” This may sound crazy but for me I know that I would personally experience greater ‘regret’ had I not gone back to work. I cherish my children and want to savor every minute in their development. I also want to provide the best life and example to them. For me, this means pushing myself professionally. Which included going back to work when they were babies. By simply acknowledging this mantra, “this is my life – I only get one,” I can confidently dismiss my feelings of guilt.

 

The guilt typically strikes when my kids are misbehaving. The next thought that follows is something along the lines of wondering whether my children would be behaving this way if I were a stay at home mother. So after reminding myself, “this is my life – I only get one,” I not only forgive my guilt but also remind myself, “my life is the product of my decisions.” This mantra helps hold myself accountable for my life – yes, even my ill-mannered children. This leads me to better discipline my children or respond in a more appropriate manner rather than shutting down to the present moment by relishing in my guilt.

 

“Fake it until you make it,” isn’t really a favorite but I remind myself of this when I need a boost of confidence, particularly in front of a group. In my career, I give presentations. Great presenters come across confident. Confidence is powerful, attractive, and influential. I want to be a confident person therefore I must ‘act’ like a confident person. So while I do not believe in being ‘fake,’ I do believe in finding a reminder to help with boosting my confidence. Another mantra that I have used for this is WWJD. “What Would Jennifer Do?” I bet you thought I was going to say Jesus. Jesus is a good one to fill in the blank too. However, I use a person I see who exudes the quality or thing I’m trying to do or achieve. When I was a kid, it was my friend Jennifer. She was always so outgoing and friendly. So if I was feeling shy or reserved, I’d tell myself, “WWJD?” As a teacher trying to organize my classroom, I’d ask myself “WWSD, What would Sara do?” She was the most organized teacher I knew! I loved walking into her tidy classroom and marveling at its order. In my home life, when organizing out the overly stuffed toy closet a.k.a. “Monica Closet” (as in the character from the hit TV sitcom, Friends) I channel my friend Alex, “WWAD?” My clothes closet, “WWED, what would Elizabeth do?”

 

“Less is more,” may be my all-time-favorite mantra. It helps me slow down, move on, be more specific, appreciate what I have, fine tune relationships, and well, essentially it is my ‘catch all’ mantra.

 

With this my friends, if you have never embraced the use of mantras, you should. Find several to use for various areas of your life that will make you step up and be the best version of you. Maybe select one per month or per year. “It is never too late,” and “There is no better time than the present” to implement the use of mantras throughout your day. “Just do it.”